


Heaven Isn't the Only Thing Broken

by unapologetic_noises



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Samstiel - Freeform, Season/Series 09, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 07:58:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1218541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unapologetic_noises/pseuds/unapologetic_noises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And in this embrace, Castiel felt all of that. All of the pain. Regret. Sadness. Betrayal. Disappointment. All broken pieces that used to be Sam Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Isn't the Only Thing Broken

**Author's Note:**

> My first Season 9 fic yay
> 
> A fic I began very shortly after episode 9x11 "First Born" aired. Of course I was happy to finally see some Sam/Castiel interaction on screen since I've always felt like they had no relationship on the show.
> 
> Anyway that episode inspired this. Although I was against posting it since its all over the place and the concept has probably been done a billion times since the episode aired but whatever. Might be taken down and revised (*cough cough* deleted) eventually. 
> 
> Enjoy xo..

He'd done as he was told. Obeyed every word that came from Dean's mouth even though every fiber of his vessel writhed with the urge to do otherwise. He never bought into the popular belief that behind the name "Winchester" was nothing but trouble but everyday it seemed that Sam and Dean gave him yet another reason to think otherwise.  
  
"Cas."  
  
He ignored the sound of his name. Questioned every thought that entered his angelic conscience. Replayed their little exchange on the bridge over and over in his head. The chill of the night air. The orange glow of the street light. The raindrops. The smell. All of it came back. The look of sheer regret and utter defeat on Dean's face. And that look of betrayal etched into his younger brother's.  
  
 ** _"Don't go thinking that's the problem because its not."_**  
  
Sam's statement stung even Cas, who could do nothing but stand and watch from afar as these two walked away from each other yet again. And somehow, despite the fact that he'd seen this scenario play out so many times before, this time it seemed--it _felt_ \-- different. More definite. Sam wouldn't even look at his brother. And for good reason, but still.   
  
Being human for a period of time gave Castiel a sense of true human emotion. And that included empathy. He felt Dean's defeat. He felt Sam's exhaustion. His feeling of betrayal. And as for himself...he had no idea what to feel right now.  
  
"Cas..."  
  
He sunk deeper into his thoughts. Tried his hardest to block out his name being called out, begging for his presence. He'd tried reaching out to Dean. Tried calling him. Even tried appearing to him to no avail. His powers weren't restored to full capacity yet. He wasn't even sure how long he could continue on this stolen grace.   
  
Dean was hellbent on not being found. Stubborn bastard. All that mattered to him was finding Gadreel and slaughtering the angel. As if that would fix this entire bloody, shattered mess. As if Gadreel's death would miraculously make him and Sam's relationship any better. Damn fool.  
  
But being the savior--or better yet, friend-- of Dean's that he considered himself to be, Castiel obeyed Dean when he insisted that he stay with Sam at the bunker. Of course. Because Sam could want Dean dead at his feet and even then Dean would still want to make sure that his younger brother was safe. That was the nobility of Dean Winchester. If that's what one would call it.  
  
" _Castiel._ "   
  
He gritted his teeth. Clenched his fists. Turned and laid his eyes on Sam who had been sitting there while the angel buried himself in his thoughts. He struggled to maintain his composure.  
  
"Sam, I highly advise that you get some rest. Considering what you've been through and all..."  
  
"Cas, I feel fine."  
  
"Well you're not. You're broken--"  
  
"I've been broken since birth. Now I'm done talking about me. Or any of this. No Gadreel. No angels. No trials."  
  
Cas opened his mouth to speak but Sam caught him.  
  
"No _Dean_."  
  
Castiel sighed, lips thinned out, eyes narrowed. Nothing but stubborn little children. The both of them.  
  
"Sam..." He tried to ease his tone. "What exactly do you expect to accomplish by doing this?"  
  
"By doing what?"  
  
"Shutting Dean out. Are you honestly going to punish him for doing his job?"  
  
Sam rolled his eyes, snorted. Then stared Cas down with a hardened gaze. Cas eased up a bit. He'd struck something with what he said.   
  
"Dean's job is not to protect me."  
  
The way he said it. The way it slid off of his tongue. Ice. It was cold. As if Sam believed Dean had no right at all to even care for him. As if it was wrong for him to _want_ his brother to live.  
  
"There's a difference between protecting someone and not being able to let them go, Cas." Sam amended with a sigh. "You of all people should know how this dependency crap has gotten us into trouble. How easily it has been for our enemies to take advantage of that."  
  
Cas knew. Everyone who was in anyway familiar with the Winchesters knew. That was what they were known for. Their codependency. Their weakness. Even the angels used it against them. It was just that much of an Achilles' heel.  
  
"Dean just wants you to live, Sam. He's your brother and he doesn't want you dead."  
  
"Oh bull. That's bull and you know it."  
  
"Sam--"  
  
"Dean doesn't want to be alone. Its that simple. He has a problem. And for the life of me, I just can't understand what drives him to such extreme measures just to keep me alive. Is he _that_ afraid of being alone?"  
  
"He's your brother, Sam."  
  
"And?"  
  
More ice. The sincerity in Sam's tone only reinforced that. He meant every word of what he said and that alarmed Castiel.  
  
Didn't know what to say to get through to Sam anymore.  
  
"Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore? Wasn't it you and Dean who taught me that family is most important? You made me feel like family and told me that family always comes first."  
  
"Dean told you that."  
  
"But is it not true?"  
  
"It doesn't apply in this situation. I'm not Dean's brother. I'm his crutch and I'm sick of it."  
  
The room fell silent for a moment as Cas stood there. Leaned against the doorway of Sam's room and alternated between glancing at Sam and looking away.   
  
"Mind you, Sam, I was human once. And while I was sorting through the complexities that accompany you rather marvelous creatures, I came to realize that we all need something that keeps us going. For Dean, Sam that's you."  
  
"Its not healthy." Sam thoughtlessly insisted.  
  
"True..." Cas had no choice but to agree. "...but to be someone's reason for living...doesn't that mean anything to you?"  
  
Sam slammed a fist on his desk. "Dean had plenty of other reasons to live! Every time. Every _damn_ time, he messes it up and for what reason? _Me._ Selling his soul, abandoning Lisa--"  
  
" _I_ was the one who brought you back. That was my fault." Cas interjected. Sam shook his head.  
  
"Stop defending him. He still abandoned the one chance he had at having a normal life. Its getting to the point where he'd risk losing me by other means just to keep me alive. An angel, Cas. He let some strange angel inside of me! Gadreel could have wrecked me."  
  
"Why...why does it bother you so much?" Castiel was out of options. Out of things to say.   
  
Sam stood and eyed the angel with a hardened gaze. Cold. Serious.  
  
"I wanted--I want--to die."  
  
Cas shook his head, "You don't mean that."  
  
"What's the point of any of this? Please tell me because I see none. It just gets worse and worse. We break our backs trying to stop these evil things that threaten us and once we finally win, we just get sucked into another problem. Its endless. And my one chance to get out of all of this. Ruined by him. I was ready to die and he just couldn't stomach the loneliness."  
  
"You matter, Sam."  
  
Sam shook his head. "He has you, doesn't he?"  
  
Castiel swallowed, taken aback by Sam's words. He pretended not to know what he was talking about.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"I know about you and Dean. I'm not stupid." A 'profound bond' as Cas liked to call it. Yeah right. 

The angel's face flushed a bit. It wasn't a heavily guarded secret, but a part of him still didn't expect Sam to know about it.    
  
Cas fell silent. Sam suddenly moved closer to him. The angel's vessel tensed in apprehension and he took a step back. Sam was still intent on doing this.

A tight grip squeezed Castiel's arm and he stared squarely at Sam's hardened face. Had no other choice but to beg for him not to do this. It wasn't the right way to go about any of it. But in that moment Sam wouldn't listen to reason. Not a bit of it. And Castiel couldn't even make out any sign of his friend in his hazel eyes. Just this odd sense of hunger. Lust. Castiel had to remind himself of what was going on here. Reminded himself that Sam didn't want him. He was merely a substitute. Bluntly, he was being used. Sam wanted his brother back so badly but he was too blinded by the circumstances of all of this Gadreel nonsense.  
  
"Sam, stop..." Castiel insisted. "I told you I can't do this. It's not right. You don't want me. You want Dean."  
  
And the larger of the two of them paused, face just mere inches from the angel's. Cas felt his breath on his face. Made eye contact. Felt a shiver run up his spine. Once again, he struggled to maintain his composure. Sam sighed, jaws clenched and pulled back only a little.  
  
"Why are you even here? Because Dean told you to? Hm? Because you would do _anything_  just to please him?"  
  
It was barely more than a mutter. But Cas still heard it and it stung a bit. He ignored the hurt. "I'm here because I care, Sam. I'm your friend. I want to help you."  
  
Sam didn't respond. Just stood there. Pondered whether Cas really meant that or not. Then, in one movement had the angel in his grasp, engaged in a familiar human gesture. A hug.  
  
Castiel didn't know how to respond. Not to the hug itself-- he'd been on Earth long enough to know how to hug back-- but to the fact that it was Sam. Sam was hugging him. Over the years, he'd felt the distance between them. Even more so when compared to the bond he had with Dean. The angel even admitted to having a deep seated hatred for Sam over the Lucifer incident a few years back. And he knew Sam didn't always have him in his favor, especially during his little alliance with Crowley.  
  
And of course there was Dean. Always caught in the middle. Each of them fighting for more of him. Sam, afraid that this angel would take his brother away from him, and Castiel, afraid that the "brotherly bond" would stop him from completely having his lover to himself. Although now that the last bit of trust that Sam had in Dean was obliterated, it was obvious that Sam was, for lack of a better term, wrecked. Only recently, had Cas stopped to realize what Sam had really been through. Dean had had his fair share of struggles but Sam...he never wanted any of this.  
  
And in this embrace, Castiel felt all of that. All of the pain. Regret. Sadness. Betrayal. Disappointment. All broken pieces that used to be Sam Winchester. This wall of a man holding all of this ruin inside him. And it occurred to Cas that underneath all of this anger and frustration, Sam was hurt.   
  
Sam pulled away, refusing to look directly at Castiel. The angel couldn't see anything at all in his eyes or his facial expressions. Just a dead look. And that made Cas pity him even more.  
  
"Sam..."  
  
The Winchester shook his head, refusing to hear what the angel had to say. Refused to take his pity. Didn't want to hear the "I'm sorry" and "I understand your pain". All of it meant nothing to him.   
  
Another thing that Castiel picked up on. And he decided to give in to this. If it would make Sam forget, if it would give him to strength to live for a little longer, then it was worth it. He'd do it. It would be what Dean would want him to do. Right? What was the worst thing that could happen?  
  
Didn't dare think of the multitude of horrible answers to that question. Sam had decreased the distance between them once again. Had Cas against the wall. Huge hands planted  on both sides of his head. Moved one to the back of the angel's neck and pressed his mouth into his. Castiel stifled a sound at the taste of Sam. Gripped his shirt pitifully, nearly lost his balance and alternated between using the wall and Sam for support.   
  
Sam's mouth fought on Castiel's. Hands tore at his trenchcoat and everything underneath. Fought to get to something he couldn't see and grab and hold on to it, refusing to let go. It was saddening. Saddening to see Sam like this. Castiel could feel him burying all of this negative emotion. All of this need to erase himself from the earth. All of the feeling of failure. All of the pain.   
  
Grabbed Castiel's wrists and pinned them above his head, moving his lips down to his vessel's neck and bit at the flesh. Marked him. And the angel sat there. Restrained. The lack of control turned him on. Thrust his hips forward. The only part of his body he could move. Sam responded by pressing his hardening erection into Cas'. Smashed his body into the smaller man's. Ground his bulge against his. Felt Castiel exhale a sigh.  
  
Sam pulled back all at once, eyes never leaving Castiel. Only moved to point his finger at his bed. Castiel understood. But he still wanted to hear him say it.  
  
"Lay down."  
  
He wasn't asking. It wasn't a suggestion. It was an order. And the angel obeyed. Laid himself on Sam's bed and felt piece after piece of his clothing ripped from his vessel until he was bare. Sam stood back and did the same. Castiel watched as he ripped at each button of his plaid shirt, finally getting it off and tossing it aside. His t-shirt followed suit and so did his jeans and underwear. Wasted no time in flipping Castiel over and laying his body on top of his. Foreplay wasn't an option anymore.  
  
Sam wrapped an arm around Castiel's neck as the angel felt his legs being spread. Felt Sam's ragged, warm breath on his ear as he moved his cock to his entrance. Jerked his ass up a bit to meet him halfway. Sam thrust forward and was halfway in. A pitiful noise leapt from the angel's mouth. Sam exhaled hard, continued to move into Castiel.   
  
"C-Cas...."  
  
He was all the way in now and Sam began to move. Thrust forward. Pulled out. Cock slick with sweat. Picked up the pace slowly until he steadily fucked the angel. Castiel felt Sam's chest heave against his back. He bit his lip. Beat the pillow. Felt a frenzy of sounds get caught in his throat, resulting in his head hanging there, mouth agape as Sam pounded him. And his thrusts only grew more aggressive. Severe. Angry.  
  
Castiel knew what was on his mind. Or better yet, who. And he made the mistake of thinking. It wouldn't have mattered who was under Sam at that moment. No matter who it was, they would inevitably be an outlet of frustration for the younger Winchester. A sex toy.  
  
He remembered he was being used. And the thought wouldn't leave his mind for the rest of their session.  
  
Their bodies shook with their fucking, hard and desperate motions that Sam made.  
  
The angel's name fell from Sam's lips once again. A indication that he was getting close. Castiel remained silent. Didn't have anything to say. Just took his fucking. Accepted his role as a sexual punching bag.   
  
Sam removed his grasp from the angel beneath him and gripped the sheets. Slammed his hips into Cas one last time before letting loose a guttural groan. Every muscle in his body tensed with his climax, quick yet powerful enough to make his arms go numb. He collapsed on top of Castiel. Didn't have the strength to pull out. Just laid there.  
  
And Cas didn't dare argue. Enjoyed having Sam's body, weak and sweaty, plastered to his own. Sam's face laid still on his back. The angel laid still as well. Buried his head in the pillows and blocked out everything that his consciousness would allow. Didn't think about Heaven or the angels or Gadreel or Dean or Dean's possible reaction to all of this. None of it mattered. 

He'd cross that bridge when he got to it.


End file.
